Today I have cabin fever. It's raining and dreary and gloomy outside. I'm chilly and just want to go back to bed. But, I can't. There is far far too much to do around here. The house we recently bought was about 99% completed on the inside. The previous owner was a single man though, so some areas are lacking a "woman's touch".
Let's take the kitchen for example. It's monotone. No back splash and lots of wood. I love tile back splashes. So, after much cajoling on my part, hubby gave in and we went to Home Depot.
Today he began putting up the tile. He even left some homework for me to do when he left for work. But, I'm not to do anymore than assigned. He doesn't necessarily trust my DIY skills. And you won't hear me arguing that he should.
Even though very little is done, I can see where it's going to be a major improvement. Color. I love color. On the walls, on the floors, everywhere. It feels so much more homey and personal. But, I'm feeling impatient and just want the whole process to be complete so I can see the outcome. I don't have much in the way of patience. I'm an instant gratification type person. I'm this way with projects, diets, exercise...you name it, I want it NOW.
This is a major area that God has been trying to refine in me for many, many years. I have a need to have control and to see results in the immediate. I have a horrible habit of giving up if I don't lose 5 pounds over night or that one workout video hasn't given me the butt it promised after my one attempt. I also have a hard time relinquishing control.
Let's take this house we have. In order to buy it we had to sell our house that we were currently in. We had an offer and we countered them. We had to wait to hear back from the buyers before we could lock in the rate and funding on our new house. This was during the time when the rates had dropped dramatically and at the current rate and purchase price we were just below our max budget. Any change in rate and we would be priced out of our dream home. I was SO stressed, to say the least. My husband is less of the worrier than I am and kept trying to keep me calm. I wanted to control the outcome so badly. Even though there was no way I could.
We hadn't heard anything from them on Friday and at the close of the day, the interest rate had increased. We were officially at the top of our budget with the threat of another interest hike on Monday. So, during my lunch break on Friday I went to the tanning salon (fake sunshine is sometimes all we get in WA). As I was frying I decided to pray. I told God that I was letting go. I was giving Him control. Not like I had it anyway, but something about officially telling God it was His took a weight off of my shoulders. I knew that my fears and worries were in His mighty capable hands and that whatever the outcome, we'd be ok.
The next morning, as I sat at my desk trying to focus on my work, my husband called me. He said something amazing had happened.
(I probably need to regress a bit here and share that my husband is a veteran and during his service he lost a lot of his hearing and developed sleep apnea. We had been in battle with the VA for 2 years to get compensation for these things. It seemed like a never ending battle.)
OK, back to my story. Hubbs called me and told me that not only had the sellers accepted our counteroffer, but the VA had come thru and he was going to be getting his compensation every month. And, as if God just wanted to really show His amazingness (yes, that's the word I have to use to describe it), the amount was about double what we were anticipating and they were going to back pay us for the 2 years that we had waited! I almost cried. Let's be honest, I did a little. We not only could lock in on our new house, we could also pay off a car (cause 2 car payments is outrageous) and be a little ahead of the game instead of strapped to the max! I told my husband if he couldn't see Jesus in this, then I didn't know what it was going to take!!!
I'd love to be able to cap off this story by saying that this is all it took. I now have no desire to control the uncontrollable or spend countless hours worrying and dreading the unknown. I'd love to say that I have patience in my weight and workout process and that I make good decisions daily because I know the outcome will show eventually. I'd love to lie to you and say this. But, I am still flawed. I'm still a human who doesn't know how to change in my own strength. I'm still learning and being challenged daily. I'm just so beyond grateful that I have an all knowing, ever forgiving, gracious and merciful God who will still be there for me time and again. Who will pick me up, wipe my tears and forgive all my transgressions. A God who IS patient and who doesn't worry and who IS in control. A God who, for whatever reason, loves and chose me. Me. Wow. It doesn't get anymore perfect then that.
And so, I let my husband have the back splash. I keep my mouth shut to the best of my ability and know that he is doing his very best. He is trying to make me happy. So, if there's a little imperfection, who am I to judge. After all, I know I'm not perfect either. And there can be beauty in the flaws.
Until next time,
Bri
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