Today I got to thinking about accountability. That word carries so much weight. Accountability at work, to our spouse, our children, ourselves. Life is full of it. Two things brought this to mind.
The first would be that I am trying to get back into a healthy lifestyle. The first thing you'll read from anyone who has been successful at loosing and maintaining weight and keeping to an exercise regimen is that you have to keep a journal. By writing down every bite that goes into my mouth, I am unable to use the excuse "I haven't really eaten anything today. I don't know why I feel terrible, bloated, heavy, etc etc." Writing down makes me have to be accountable. If only to myself. But when it's there in front of me, it's hard to ignore.
The second thing that made me think of this was my kid. His phone (or so he claims) pocket dials on its own quite frequently. He's called my dad, my mom, my husband and today was myself. I decided to sit and listen. I wasn't expecting to hear anything bad from him, but my curiosity was peaked. After all, he was on the bus and it's been a LONG time since I've rode a school bus and I wanted to see if things have changed. Not surprisingly they haven't. Yelling kids, loud music and the occasional swear word.
As I previously stated, I didn't catch him doing anything wrong, but it sure was fun to see his face when he came home. Someone had been singing the song "I'm a Barbie Girl" and he was shocked that I knew that. So, we talked about what I'd heard and who some of the major players in my eavesdropping were. This whole situation also opened a door for he and I to talk about God. After all, I told him, I won't always be on the other end of an open line "spying" on him, but God is always there. There is no "end call" button on a phone to end what He is able to see and hear from us. It was a great way to talk to him about being accountable for his actions, even when he doesn't think anyone is listening or watching.
This also made me aware of myself. It's easy to let little things slide. A bite of chocolate here, a slip of using the Lord's name in vain here. It's easy to "get away" with these things when we don't believe there's anyone to hold us to anything. But, how foolish. That bite of chocolate turns to 3 (or 4 or 5 in my case) and eventually shows up on our waistline. Whether or not we owned up to it. But when we stop and actually think about what we are eating, we are less likely to overindulge.
This same analogy can be used with God. It's easy to let things slide when we don't have our Christian friends around or someone who is going to take offense to our profanity or our less than honorable choices. It's easy to think that we are exempt from certain sin because God is not a physical image in front of us to hold us to standards that we know are there.
After thinking about all of this, I've come to the conclusion that at the end of the day, it's just me and God. At the end of time, it's just me before God. You have to face the consequences and be held accountable for those things that we have let slide time and again without repenting and seeking true forgiveness. Because, after all, God has an open line to us at all times. If that doesn't scream accountability I sure don't know what does. That is the lesson I'm trying to instill in my boys while still learning it myself.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Beauty in Flaws
Today I have cabin fever. It's raining and dreary and gloomy outside. I'm chilly and just want to go back to bed. But, I can't. There is far far too much to do around here. The house we recently bought was about 99% completed on the inside. The previous owner was a single man though, so some areas are lacking a "woman's touch".
Let's take the kitchen for example. It's monotone. No back splash and lots of wood. I love tile back splashes. So, after much cajoling on my part, hubby gave in and we went to Home Depot.
Today he began putting up the tile. He even left some homework for me to do when he left for work. But, I'm not to do anymore than assigned. He doesn't necessarily trust my DIY skills. And you won't hear me arguing that he should.
Even though very little is done, I can see where it's going to be a major improvement. Color. I love color. On the walls, on the floors, everywhere. It feels so much more homey and personal. But, I'm feeling impatient and just want the whole process to be complete so I can see the outcome. I don't have much in the way of patience. I'm an instant gratification type person. I'm this way with projects, diets, exercise...you name it, I want it NOW.
This is a major area that God has been trying to refine in me for many, many years. I have a need to have control and to see results in the immediate. I have a horrible habit of giving up if I don't lose 5 pounds over night or that one workout video hasn't given me the butt it promised after my one attempt. I also have a hard time relinquishing control.
Let's take this house we have. In order to buy it we had to sell our house that we were currently in. We had an offer and we countered them. We had to wait to hear back from the buyers before we could lock in the rate and funding on our new house. This was during the time when the rates had dropped dramatically and at the current rate and purchase price we were just below our max budget. Any change in rate and we would be priced out of our dream home. I was SO stressed, to say the least. My husband is less of the worrier than I am and kept trying to keep me calm. I wanted to control the outcome so badly. Even though there was no way I could.
We hadn't heard anything from them on Friday and at the close of the day, the interest rate had increased. We were officially at the top of our budget with the threat of another interest hike on Monday. So, during my lunch break on Friday I went to the tanning salon (fake sunshine is sometimes all we get in WA). As I was frying I decided to pray. I told God that I was letting go. I was giving Him control. Not like I had it anyway, but something about officially telling God it was His took a weight off of my shoulders. I knew that my fears and worries were in His mighty capable hands and that whatever the outcome, we'd be ok.
The next morning, as I sat at my desk trying to focus on my work, my husband called me. He said something amazing had happened.
(I probably need to regress a bit here and share that my husband is a veteran and during his service he lost a lot of his hearing and developed sleep apnea. We had been in battle with the VA for 2 years to get compensation for these things. It seemed like a never ending battle.)
OK, back to my story. Hubbs called me and told me that not only had the sellers accepted our counteroffer, but the VA had come thru and he was going to be getting his compensation every month. And, as if God just wanted to really show His amazingness (yes, that's the word I have to use to describe it), the amount was about double what we were anticipating and they were going to back pay us for the 2 years that we had waited! I almost cried. Let's be honest, I did a little. We not only could lock in on our new house, we could also pay off a car (cause 2 car payments is outrageous) and be a little ahead of the game instead of strapped to the max! I told my husband if he couldn't see Jesus in this, then I didn't know what it was going to take!!!
I'd love to be able to cap off this story by saying that this is all it took. I now have no desire to control the uncontrollable or spend countless hours worrying and dreading the unknown. I'd love to say that I have patience in my weight and workout process and that I make good decisions daily because I know the outcome will show eventually. I'd love to lie to you and say this. But, I am still flawed. I'm still a human who doesn't know how to change in my own strength. I'm still learning and being challenged daily. I'm just so beyond grateful that I have an all knowing, ever forgiving, gracious and merciful God who will still be there for me time and again. Who will pick me up, wipe my tears and forgive all my transgressions. A God who IS patient and who doesn't worry and who IS in control. A God who, for whatever reason, loves and chose me. Me. Wow. It doesn't get anymore perfect then that.
And so, I let my husband have the back splash. I keep my mouth shut to the best of my ability and know that he is doing his very best. He is trying to make me happy. So, if there's a little imperfection, who am I to judge. After all, I know I'm not perfect either. And there can be beauty in the flaws.
Until next time,
Bri
Let's take the kitchen for example. It's monotone. No back splash and lots of wood. I love tile back splashes. So, after much cajoling on my part, hubby gave in and we went to Home Depot.
Today he began putting up the tile. He even left some homework for me to do when he left for work. But, I'm not to do anymore than assigned. He doesn't necessarily trust my DIY skills. And you won't hear me arguing that he should.
Even though very little is done, I can see where it's going to be a major improvement. Color. I love color. On the walls, on the floors, everywhere. It feels so much more homey and personal. But, I'm feeling impatient and just want the whole process to be complete so I can see the outcome. I don't have much in the way of patience. I'm an instant gratification type person. I'm this way with projects, diets, exercise...you name it, I want it NOW.
This is a major area that God has been trying to refine in me for many, many years. I have a need to have control and to see results in the immediate. I have a horrible habit of giving up if I don't lose 5 pounds over night or that one workout video hasn't given me the butt it promised after my one attempt. I also have a hard time relinquishing control.
Let's take this house we have. In order to buy it we had to sell our house that we were currently in. We had an offer and we countered them. We had to wait to hear back from the buyers before we could lock in the rate and funding on our new house. This was during the time when the rates had dropped dramatically and at the current rate and purchase price we were just below our max budget. Any change in rate and we would be priced out of our dream home. I was SO stressed, to say the least. My husband is less of the worrier than I am and kept trying to keep me calm. I wanted to control the outcome so badly. Even though there was no way I could.
We hadn't heard anything from them on Friday and at the close of the day, the interest rate had increased. We were officially at the top of our budget with the threat of another interest hike on Monday. So, during my lunch break on Friday I went to the tanning salon (fake sunshine is sometimes all we get in WA). As I was frying I decided to pray. I told God that I was letting go. I was giving Him control. Not like I had it anyway, but something about officially telling God it was His took a weight off of my shoulders. I knew that my fears and worries were in His mighty capable hands and that whatever the outcome, we'd be ok.
The next morning, as I sat at my desk trying to focus on my work, my husband called me. He said something amazing had happened.
(I probably need to regress a bit here and share that my husband is a veteran and during his service he lost a lot of his hearing and developed sleep apnea. We had been in battle with the VA for 2 years to get compensation for these things. It seemed like a never ending battle.)
OK, back to my story. Hubbs called me and told me that not only had the sellers accepted our counteroffer, but the VA had come thru and he was going to be getting his compensation every month. And, as if God just wanted to really show His amazingness (yes, that's the word I have to use to describe it), the amount was about double what we were anticipating and they were going to back pay us for the 2 years that we had waited! I almost cried. Let's be honest, I did a little. We not only could lock in on our new house, we could also pay off a car (cause 2 car payments is outrageous) and be a little ahead of the game instead of strapped to the max! I told my husband if he couldn't see Jesus in this, then I didn't know what it was going to take!!!
I'd love to be able to cap off this story by saying that this is all it took. I now have no desire to control the uncontrollable or spend countless hours worrying and dreading the unknown. I'd love to say that I have patience in my weight and workout process and that I make good decisions daily because I know the outcome will show eventually. I'd love to lie to you and say this. But, I am still flawed. I'm still a human who doesn't know how to change in my own strength. I'm still learning and being challenged daily. I'm just so beyond grateful that I have an all knowing, ever forgiving, gracious and merciful God who will still be there for me time and again. Who will pick me up, wipe my tears and forgive all my transgressions. A God who IS patient and who doesn't worry and who IS in control. A God who, for whatever reason, loves and chose me. Me. Wow. It doesn't get anymore perfect then that.
And so, I let my husband have the back splash. I keep my mouth shut to the best of my ability and know that he is doing his very best. He is trying to make me happy. So, if there's a little imperfection, who am I to judge. After all, I know I'm not perfect either. And there can be beauty in the flaws.
Until next time,
Bri
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Introducing My Life
I've never been one to think that I have anything of importance to say, so this blog is probably going to be more of a keepsake for me for the future. Kinda like a journal. I love to write and have always been keen on getting my thoughts and feelings out and into written form. I've always journaled and written poetry and have been known to send a novel over a quick text.
I've always wanted to be someone that blogged. I recently turned 30 (eek!) and so I figured there's no better time then the present. Time to dive in with both feet and nose unplugged.
I'm a stay at home mom as of recent. My husband and I recently moved out to the boonies and realized that me commuting to my job just wasn't in the cards any longer. We also have 3 amazing and rambunctious boys (C 12, L 9, D 6) and a sitter is way expensive. Why don't we have the 12 year old babysit you ask? Well, because as much as I love my kiddos, I have to say that I'd be afraid he'd misplace one of the others. Since turning 12, C just hasn't been thinking all that clearly. I think all those tween hormones kicking in are shutting down some of his basic functions. Like being able to find the syrup that's on the table in front of him and not remembering if he brushed his teeth as soon as he crosses the threshold of the bathroom. So, just to make sure that I maintain having 3 kids, I stay home.
They are all in school full time, but that doesn't mean I have free time. I have a house to run. It's so frustrating when people say "You're so lucky. You have the whole day to yourself to do what you want." Yes. Cause I "want" to do the laundry and dishes and I "want" to go grocery shopping. Not that I'm complaining. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I'm exactly where I want to be at 30. Married to my best friend (who happens to be my childhood sweetheart. We met at 12), raising the 3 best kids a mom could have, and living the dream. Home ownership, car, too many toys and some pennies in the bank.
Lest I forget to mention, my life isn't all sunshine and lillies (cause I like those better then roses), but I know where to go on those tough days. Those days where no one would get me and probably wouldn't know what to do with me if they did. I turn to Jesus. My Rock and my Savior. The Creator of my soul and Keeper of my heart. There in Him I find peace. In Him I find hope, joy, and compassion. He is my lifeblood. Without Him I truly have nothing. I am nothing.
Well, there it is. I've officially crossed over my first major hurdle and put my words out there in web space for anyone so inclined to read. And if no one does, I shall consider it a notch in my belt to be able to say I have a blog.
Until next time,
Bri
I've always wanted to be someone that blogged. I recently turned 30 (eek!) and so I figured there's no better time then the present. Time to dive in with both feet and nose unplugged.
I'm a stay at home mom as of recent. My husband and I recently moved out to the boonies and realized that me commuting to my job just wasn't in the cards any longer. We also have 3 amazing and rambunctious boys (C 12, L 9, D 6) and a sitter is way expensive. Why don't we have the 12 year old babysit you ask? Well, because as much as I love my kiddos, I have to say that I'd be afraid he'd misplace one of the others. Since turning 12, C just hasn't been thinking all that clearly. I think all those tween hormones kicking in are shutting down some of his basic functions. Like being able to find the syrup that's on the table in front of him and not remembering if he brushed his teeth as soon as he crosses the threshold of the bathroom. So, just to make sure that I maintain having 3 kids, I stay home.
They are all in school full time, but that doesn't mean I have free time. I have a house to run. It's so frustrating when people say "You're so lucky. You have the whole day to yourself to do what you want." Yes. Cause I "want" to do the laundry and dishes and I "want" to go grocery shopping. Not that I'm complaining. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I'm exactly where I want to be at 30. Married to my best friend (who happens to be my childhood sweetheart. We met at 12), raising the 3 best kids a mom could have, and living the dream. Home ownership, car, too many toys and some pennies in the bank.
Lest I forget to mention, my life isn't all sunshine and lillies (cause I like those better then roses), but I know where to go on those tough days. Those days where no one would get me and probably wouldn't know what to do with me if they did. I turn to Jesus. My Rock and my Savior. The Creator of my soul and Keeper of my heart. There in Him I find peace. In Him I find hope, joy, and compassion. He is my lifeblood. Without Him I truly have nothing. I am nothing.
Well, there it is. I've officially crossed over my first major hurdle and put my words out there in web space for anyone so inclined to read. And if no one does, I shall consider it a notch in my belt to be able to say I have a blog.
Until next time,
Bri
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